BROKEN

Ok, so my boyfriend and I have broken up. I wouldn't vent here, but I don't have another outlet. I don't write a journal or a diary and there is only so much ranting a friend can take.
I feel...a little empty, I guess. No matter if you love a person or not, after spending a lot of time with them, the loss of that person is saddening. You don't realize when you're dating them or going out with them but they become the person you tell everything to. Slowly, you want to tell them everything that happens, and then everything that happens reminds you of them. You pass things in the street, while sitting on the tube, at restaurants, songs you hear - and think 'Yea, I bet they'd love that' and you just want to hear them laugh while you tell them. Or wait for them to text back telling you how great it was.
When a friend came to our senior school in AS Levels, she told me she had a 'special box', which was a shoe box she'd decorated to keep the important memories in. When my first boyfriend broke up with me, one of many times, she came over with a shoe box and we spent the night decorating it with cut outs from magazines, bows and other things. That box is full of things that make me remember everything happy, and occasionally sad, in my life. Its one of the things in my life that someone has done for me that I am most grateful for.
Admittedly, I am over dramatic and over sensitive. I am the type of girl who, after a break up, cuts up every piece of reachable evidence of the person who has broken my heart. Yet, after three long relationships, and now three heartaches, I want to treat this one differently. I don't want to be the horror ex-girlfriend who facebook stalks the boy to make sure I know what he's doing. I don't want to be the crazy ex-girlfriend who refuses to go out somewhere because the boy will be there. And if i do go, start crying my eyes out if he doesn't talk to me or I imagine him dancing with some other girl.
I want to be the gracious ex-girlfriend, who will always say hello with a hug. I want to be the civil ex-girlfriend, who doesn't make awkward remarks about what could've happened. I want to be the ex-girlfriend, who is now a friend, with no hard feeling and bad vibes. I want to dance and laugh and smile with the boy and be happy that, yes we resent our relationship going bad, but it has nothing to do with us not loving spending with each other.
These are some images that I like:





















Oh, why yes Christian, I will be smoking again too.













I know Bridget. I know.